What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
