you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
