So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
