she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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