My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
