im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
