I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
