She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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