there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
