Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
