I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize