...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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