Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
