Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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