Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
