You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
