Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize