she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
