Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
