I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize