There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
