You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
