What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize