Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
