Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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