Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
