Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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