Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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