Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
