I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
