His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
