we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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