did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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