Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
