If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
