I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize