We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
