We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
