Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize