Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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