my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
