I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
