Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
