I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
