im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
