u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
