i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
