the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
