whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
