Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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