Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
God, I missed his penis.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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