the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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