smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
