If i come over, it means nothing
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
