direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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