Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
