I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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