just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
