last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
