ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
