I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
