apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't put those talents on a resume
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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