Can i not drive my cunt home
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
