Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
