It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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