Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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