my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
