i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
