i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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