When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
