She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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