Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
