It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
